3 Parenting Techniques You Can Start Today for Immediate Impact on Your Relationship with Your Child
By Bryan Post
Parenting is not about control—it’s about connection. When we shift from reacting to responding with love, we create a space where healing, trust, and cooperation flourish. Today, I want to share with you three simple yet transformative parenting techniques that you can begin using right now to build a stronger, more peaceful relationship with your child. These strategies are not about quick fixes but about creating lasting change.
1. See Through the Behavior – Connect First, Correct Later
So often, when a child is acting out, we focus on stopping the behavior. But the real question is what’s driving the behavior?
Most challenging behaviors stem from fear and stress, not defiance or manipulation. Children don’t wake up thinking, “How can I make my parent’s life difficult today?” Their actions are often a reflection of their internal struggles.
What You Can Do Today:
- Pause before reacting. Instead of saying, “Why are you doing this?” try asking, “What’s going on with you?”
- Validate their feelings. Even if their reaction seems unreasonable, acknowledge their emotions: “I can see that you’re really upset right now.”
- Offer connection, not just correction. A hug, a kind word, or just sitting beside them silently can be more powerful than a lecture.
Impact: The moment a child feels seen and understood, their stress level decreases. This opens the door for cooperation instead of resistance.
2. Create “Oxytocin Opportunities” – The Love Hormone Effect
Oxytocin is often called the “love hormone” because it helps us feel safe, connected, and bonded. The problem is, in moments of stress, fear, or frustration, oxytocin levels drop. When this happens, both you and your child operate from survival mode—leading to power struggles, defiance, and emotional meltdowns.
The good news? You can boost oxytocin in your child today by intentionally creating moments of warmth and connection.
What You Can Do Today:
- Initiate a 20-second hug. Research shows that a 20-second hug releases oxytocin and lowers stress. If your child resists hugs, a gentle touch on their shoulder or a playful fist bump can help.
- Laugh together. Play a silly game, watch a funny video, or just make goofy faces. Laughter increases oxytocin and immediately softens tension.
- Use a warm tone. The way you say something is more important than what you say. Try a softer voice instead of a sharp command.
Impact: These small moments create emotional safety, making your child more likely to listen, cooperate, and trust you.
3. Repair Ruptures – It’s Never Too Late to Start Over
Let’s be honest—no parent is perfect. We all lose our patience, say things we regret, and sometimes react in ways that escalate rather than resolve a situation. The key is not to avoid mistakes but to repair them quickly.
When you show your child that you can own your mistakes and reconnect, you teach them one of the most valuable lessons in life: relationships are not about being perfect, but about staying connected through challenges.
What You Can Do Today:
- Apologize without excuses. If you snapped at your child, simply say: “I’m sorry for raising my voice earlier. That wasn’t fair to you.” No need to follow it up with “But if you had just listened…”
- Invite reconnection. After a tough moment, do something small together—a quick game, a snack, or a shared task like folding laundry.
- Model self-reflection. Say out loud what you wish you had done differently: “I wish I had taken a deep breath before responding.” This teaches your child how to handle their own mistakes.
Impact: Repairing mistakes strengthens your bond with your child and helps them feel safe to express their emotions without fear of rejection.
Final Thoughts: Love is the Only Real Power
If there’s one thing I want you to take away, it’s this: your child needs connection more than correction. Every challenging behavior is an opportunity to build trust instead of fear.
Start with one of these techniques today. See how your child responds. Notice how your own stress level decreases when you approach parenting from a place of understanding rather than control.
And remember—you don’t have to be a perfect parent. You just have to be present, patient, and willing to lead with love.
Expert Biography: Bryan Post is an internationally recognized child behavior expert specializing in adoption and trauma. If you’re an adoptive parent in Northern California struggling with your child’s behaviors, you’re not alone. Leaf Wraparound (LeafWraparound.com) offers compassionate, expert support to help families heal and thrive. Serving families across Northern California, Leaf provides in-home and community-based services designed to reduce stress and restore connection. Don’t wait until the crisis escalates—reach out today and discover a path toward peace and healing.
