Your Child’s Greatest Resource? You and Me – Healthy and Whole!
By Roy Eiermann, LCPC
I hate self-care. Well, sort of. I hate the phrase. And there are times I hate doing it too. Confused? Let me explain. As a parent, we pour so much into our kids, and it can be easy to feel like there’s no time or energy left for ourselves. But here’s the thing: If we don’t take care of ourselves, how can we possibly show up fully for them?
The term “self-care” has become more and more popular. And I’ve gotten frustrated with the direction it’s taken. When I ask people about their self-care, they will tell me about soaking in a bubble bath, binging their favorite television show, enjoying a bowl of ice cream, or getting a massage. Don’t get me wrong, none of these are bad things. But in my opinion, they don’t get at the heart of what self-care is and what it can be.
Self-care is not those unique times in the day when we’re pampering ourselves. It’s not reserved for once a week. It doesn’t even have to cost that much money or any money at all. When engaging in our self-care practices, it should refill us so that we can continue to face the challenges in our day.
But someone might say: I can take a bubble bath every day. Watching tv doesn’t cost money. I feel recharged after getting a massage.
Again, those things aren’t bad. We are welcome to incorporate them into our routine. I just think self-care goes deeper than those things that I would call pampering.
So what is self-care, really? I believe self-care should be those daily routines and practices that maintain our health including physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Instead of seeking out something to refill our cup at the end of the day, these are the practices that never let our cup run completely empty in the first place.
When we’re taking care of ourselves regularly, we’ll have more energy, patience, and focus to be there for our kids in the way they need. After all, a parent who is worn out or emotionally drained can’t offer their child the same love and stability as a parent who is properly replenished.
So, what are these routines and practices? These certainly aren’t all of them but they are where I spend my time focusing to be my best: Nutrition, sleep, movement, social connectedness, hobbies, and spiritual practices.
In subsequent blogs, I will focus on each routine and practice including tips and strategies to actually make changes in these areas AND maintain those changes.
These changes will support us being at our best. And when we’re at our best, it helps us respond to challenging behaviors from our kids with patience and understanding, instead of frustration or burnout. The goal isn’t to avoid stress (because, let’s face it, being a parent comes with its challenges), it’s to build the resilience we need to handle it.
Sometimes we feel like we don’t have time in our day to breathe, let alone make major changes, right? No worries. Making drastic and dramatic changes is often not sustainable. This is one reason why so many New Year’s resolutions usually never see February.
As we dive in, we will look at making easy, bite-sized tweaks to our day. A shift here and an adjustment there can lead to big outcomes.
In the book, Atomic Habits by James Clear, he gives an example of how someone can start a new workout routine. First step? Put your gym shoes on. And that’s it. Yep. That’s it. Once you do that, done!
That might sound really confusing to some people and pointless to others. But think of it this way: if I set the goal of putting on my gym shoes, what’s the chance I’ll succeed? Pretty close to 100% right? Super easy task. Well, once I feel some success from that, let’s do a little more. Now the goal is to put on the gym shoes and walk out the front door.
Seriously? That’s it again? Of course. Because we are just building momentum. We are just getting started.
Change takes time. Change takes consistency. So we need to make it as easy as possible.
It’s also important to start with one thing at a time. We can’t do it all at once. We will focus on one thing first, practice it for a while, celebrate some success, and then look at the next modification.
So let’s dive into what self-care has the opportunity to be. And as we begin to incorporate it more and more into our lives, we will start to fully reap the benefits, and so will our kids.
So sure, take that bubble bath, relax in front of the tv, eat some ice cream, and schedule a massage, if you choose. Just remember, that’s pampering. True self-care is about creating small, sustainable routines that support our health, so we can show up every day as the best version of ourselves for the kids who need us. After all, they deserve that version of you and me everyday.
Expert Author Biography: Roy Eiermann is a licensed clinical professional counselor in the state of Illinois and clinical director at OMNI Youth Services. He specializes in child and adolescent therapy, trauma-informed treatment, and substance abuse services. He can be reached through his website: https://meetmonarch.com/therapist/roy-eiermann-lcpc-hoffman-estates-il
