TRAIN UP A CHILD
By Randall A. Ramirez, LCSW, LMFT
In a recent article of Developmental Science (November 2024), a large-scale study of infants concluded that, “There is no evidence for innate morality. Children under ten months are not yet capable of distinguishing a good action from a bad one.” This was meant to test a long-held belief among psychologists that moral behavior starts in the first year of life. Simply put, children do not come into the world naturally choosing positive social behavior.
Although this conclusion may seem obvious to some, for the Christian adoptive and/or foster parent it rings true in that we have two very important Biblical responsibilities when it comes to raising our children, that is, to dedicate them to the Lord and to discern those situations that call their faith into action. We should never assume that our children will merely catch our faith or our good works through observation.
Dedication
Proverbs 22:6 tells us to “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Another word for “train up” in the original Hebrew is to dedicate. We ultimately discover that our children are not our own but that through our dedication of them to the Lord we help invite the Holy Spirit to begin working in their lives, shaping their thoughts and guiding their choices.
As parents, we also pledge our time, commitment, and example of right living that shapes the moral environment in which they will grow and the conscience from which they will act. Remember, the Scripture does not read, “when he is older” but that the promise of not departing from right living can be a lifelong journey of learning.
Discernment
In 1 Samuel 3:8, after the young child Samuel first heard God’s voice, it was his adoptive father, Eli, who discerned that the child was hearing from the Lord and receiving his calling. Now this had occurred during a very low point in the history of Israel when there was no active word of God going forth nor consistent Biblical leadership governing the nation. You might even say that this period in time mimics our own present time where “everyone did what was right in their own eyes” (Judges 21:25).
As parents, we can pose challenging situations or hypothetical vignettes in order to gain insight into how the Lord is building their moral conscience and their faith. Without sermonizing to our children, we want to listen to what is going on in their thoughts at various stages of their moral development. It is more important to hear how their minds are critically constructing their beliefs than to merely quote Scripture to them as a means of behavioral control. We also want to engage our children in acts of service and good works so they can experience the natural qualities of kindness and its benefits, both towards others and ourselves.
Finally, as adoptive and/or foster parents, we need not worry that our children will not have our “imprint” on their lives because of not being biologically ours. God has designed the developing child to be much more versatile in taking in influences from the fertile soil of childhood relationships and experiences. Our responsibility lies in properly dedicating our children and discerning how that soil will maximize their growth potential.
About the Author: Randall Ramírez, LCSW, LMFT, has over 40 years of clinical experience treating children, adolescents, adults, and seniors impacted by a wide range of emotional disorders, health-related illnesses, and complex trauma conditions. Mr. Ramírez was founder and chair of the South County Roundtable on Attachment (SCRoA), an interdisciplinary professional and parent group studying the spectrum of attachment disorders and identifying research-based models of practice, in the south county of Santa Clara County since 2010. He and his wife, adoptive parents, currently reside in the Lower Sacramento region near their 3 grandchildren.